Beta HCG : 70 U/L

Sample Collected : 15/9/11

Quantitative H.C.G  - 70 U/L
*Consistent with pregnancy*

Yay? Or not?

Roughly knowing the 'conception' date puts me about 22 days or roughly 3 weeks gestation on 15/09/11 and reference range for 2-3 weeks 100-1,000.

Oh boy, this is not looking good.

Again?

Again?
I'm not sure what's going on with me.
I've been getting faint lines on UPT since 31-Aug-2011, today is 19-September-2011!!!

Anyway, last Wednesday, I was at the hospital for my routine blood test. I hoped to get pass the nurse to see the doctor. As expected, nurse did an UPT and it was negative.... so, no see doctor.
I hate hospital UPT, the last I had, first reported negative, then faint positive even though my beta HCG was at 180 something... I HATE HOSPITAL UPT!

%Q###$^#$^^@^%%#

Other than feeling my boobs getting bigger (hehehe ...), not much of pregnancy symptoms.
Boobs still, it could be that they are bigger because I'm now much fatter.

Also, I noticed light spotting. Nothing needing a pad ... just 'spots'.

I really don't know la ...
After two short-lived joy previously, I am trying very hard not to be hopeful ...
I've done a beta HCG test at a private clinic last Thursday, supposedly getting my result today but doc hasn't called!!! $#%@#$%#^$%^$%$%@

The lines could also be coming from leftover HCG still floating in my system after my miscarriage....
BUT, I seriously remembered taking one or two UPT after 16/8 ultrasound (doc couldn't find anything then and it was deemed 'complete miscarriage') strips were stark white, only one line!

Or is it something else? Oooooooo Twilight zone...

So, I don't know la ...

Tooth / Gum ??? Ache

Woke up at 12 something midnight as my tooth / gum was aching.
I took one big Panadol Actifast.... didn't work...
Gargled / Swirled around with Listerine ... didn't work....
Flossed ... didn't work ...

Then I remembered, 'warm salt water'!!
Swirl with warm salt water!

Did the trick - back on bed at 3.00 am.

Trying to be very gentle with 'tooth / gum' today.

Stone Cold

A horrible day.

Today confirms my greatest fear, I miscarried again.

Both abdominal and internal scan finds no sac.

Doctor said I must have passed it out without knowing.

I stoned as I absorbed the news.

I couldn't speak for I'll burst in river of tears.

Hopes dashed.

Now, I am only waiting for the 'full blow' of bleeding, which is starting like now...

Abdomen cramps on and off.

Bye bye 'Blob'

Pregnant or Not? Not Conclusive.

Although I've been confirmed 'pregnant' by a private Women's Health Clinic.
I've yet to hear a 'Yes, you are pregnant' from any of my main doctors in the hospital.

Today, my second UPT test came back weakly positive after TWO WEEKS!!
First one was faint positive.
So kidney doc said "Not Conclusive"

I am bleeding / spotting still since last Monday.
I hate to admit it but overall, it doesn't look good.
To add to it, my beta HCG taken on 3/8/11 was only 182.7.
Considered low as I (think), I was about 4w + 2 or 3 day.

I keep reminding myself, worry won't do any good.
But, how can I not worry?

Passing of 2 Kim ....

My 2 Kim passed away on Friday. She was 66.

Definition of 2 Kim, Wife to my Mom's younger brother, 'second' son of the family - thus the '2' Kim, in short, an 'Aunt'. I remember learning to memorise title of each and every aunties / uncles, now that I've grown-up I realise all these numerical + titles make so much sense! We, Chinese, very clever one, indeed!

Imagine instead of Auntie Julie, we say 2 Kim, immediately the whole 'family tree' comes into the picture. No need to explain how A and B are related. In short, keeps nosy strangers very happy .. :)

Anyway, back to my 2 Kim.
Am I close to her?
I don't know. I feel close to her with her SMS'es'.
(She was very good at texting and her use of SMS abbreviation puts mine to shame! Honestly!)
When I was having my chicken pox, she sent me text message on 'what to do or not to do'. I like her SMS'es', they were lovely and sweet.
However when in person, I do not even know how to start a conversation. I tried then I gave up. I just let it be, thinking that there will be 'one day' .  My only regret, I should have tried harder.

Again, Am I close to her?
Considering that I imagined in my mind SMS'ing' her when my pregnancy pass its first trimester ..
I guess, we are 'sort-of-close' .. through data frequency ...

Rest well 2 Kim.

Bleeding, Abdominal Cramp ...

Yesterday was a crappy day.

I woke up with light bleeding accompanied by abdominal cramps, ON and OFF. I felt like peeing all the time.

I threw a big tantrum at my hubby when he got home from work. I wanted KFC on the instant and started hitting him with a pillow, several times. My bad.

At 1.10 am the cramps continued and has gotten worse. My hubby took me to the A&E. Fortunately it wasn't a long wait this time. The nice doctor did a scan and we saw our little 'bean' on the screen. Not very clear as 'bean' is still very small. I couldn't make anything out of it, until the doctor pointed out 'bean's head and body.

I've been given Tramadol to help with the pain and Potassium Citrate (to clear my urine?).

I've also be referred to the O&G for assessment next Tuesday. I am scared.

At the moment, not so much bleeding, abdomen feels sore from yesterday's cramping.

I need to pray.

Hello "Blob"

Hello "Lovely Blob"!!
I saw my "Lovely Blob" on the monitor!!!
According to its size I should be 4W+5d ..
(exactly what I expected!)

But, hey ...  LMP is 18/6!!
"Lovely Blob" should be be measuring nearly 7W!
Well, I think I ovulated 2 weeks later.

There was another "Bad Blob" on my lining that could be the cause of my spotting problem.
I've been prescribed 'Duphaston' and additional folic acid.
So that "Bad Blob" will behave and let my "Lovely Blob" grow and protect my "bean".,..

Did a UPT test and I just love those lines!!!
Although line is fainter than the "Control Line", Doc said this is "expected" kind of line for 4W+5d!!!

I am happy even though my pocket is lighter by RM180.00.

Dreams ... Spotting ...

I had a dream this morning or was it last night?
Anyway, I dream that I was looking into the mirror and some of my lower tooth are missing.
I hate any teeth/tooth dreams.

Just now, I realised I started spotting again.
I am so worried.

I guess I can only pray.

Sigh ...

Please stick 'lil bean ...

I went to the hospital yesterday to have my pregnancy confirmed by the Rheumy Doc.
I did a UPT (Urine Pregnancy Test) and after about 2 hrs, the lab reported it as "NEGATIVE"!!!

An hour later, I went to see the Nephro Doc and guess what, the same lab now reports as "faintly (+) positive".

Please stick little seed!

My HPT lines are getting darker in colour, so I really hope that my hCg is indeed rising... (see attached photo).

Also, I am feeling feverish lately and it is adding to my worry! I hope it is just a pregnancy symptom and not signs of my lupus flaring up!!!!

Cheapie UPT strips - RM 1 / each!!!

Yeah, there is a definitely cheaper way to POAS!

"Faint" Line

Sigh ...
It worries me every time I get a 'fainter' faint line.
I got one this morning. I tested with a 'cassette' type and it came out very slowly and 'faint'.
(Fainter than yesterday's PM urine).

Am I not producing enough hCg?
Should I go and see a doctor now or wait?

Above photo is yesterday's result - visible (dry).

And, the photo below is today's result - there's a line, just not so visible in photo.

This is a "no brand test", cost me RM 4.90, got it from the nearest neighbourhood pharmacy.
Most of the pregnancy tester here are of 'questionable' quality - no 'manufacturing' details, some doesn't even tell you exactly how long to wait - it just say, 'wait for a few minutes', no indication of sensitivity level - in four letter word 'C.R.A.P' - not cheap too, for 'C.R.A.P'.

Best to go for Wondfo OR Clearblue digital (with conception indicator).

I remember testing with Wondfo and the line came out in less than 1 minute and was so much darker than the rest of the 'stupid' tests I've taken, namely "Guardian Pregnancy Test".
The only place that I know sells Wondfo brand is Jusco Wellness Pharmacy in Sunway Pyramid and it cost RM 6.00.

So, as you can see, this is not a "CHEAP" hobby ... peeing on a stick or better known as POAS.

Feeling WARM

Lately, I've been waking up feeling warm and a little feverish.
However, when tested temperature is within the normal range.

This, according to another forum friend is 'normal' during the early stage of pregnancy.
It is the build-up of progesterone in the system.
I didn't know, so I swallowed a few paracetamol along the way...

As you can see my 'ticker' is up again! Yay!
My period was a little hay-wired last month due to the 'incident', so, I've adjusted the ticker to my estimated 'actual conception date' instead of the usual LMP or the first day of Last Menstruation Period. (If according to LMP, I should be 6 weeks now!!!)

Today - I am soooooo happy!

Oh god, please, please let this bean stick and a happy & healthy 9 months!!!!

Do You See What I see ..... ?

Lines ..........

After what had 'happened' last month, I am so worried.

I dare not take the digital.

I am afraid, I am very afraid.

Bye Bye "Sesame Seed"

I took off the two "pregnancy ticker" on top.

It hurts.

Bye Bye "Sesame Seed"

"Sesame Seed" Are You Still Here?

As I am typing this I am bleeding heavily, period type.
Maybe I've lost my little "Sesame Seed"...
Sigh ...

I cried so much.
Why did I take that (so many) stupid tests?
If I didn't know, it won't hurt.
Could have just been a case of late period, hormone imbalance or whatever...

#@%@!^$#!^#%#^!%#$^

My body aches,
My heart aches even more.

I am hungry.

Spotting / Bleeding ... whatever

I am spotting / bleeding - not even sure what's the difference.
Never even been to the doctor yet.

I'll let nature do its 'thing'.
If it is meant to stay, then I am happy.
If not, better now than later.

I cried.
I cried for fear of losing my 'sesame seed'.

Dream & Spotting

I had the weirdest dream yesterday (or this morning??).
I dreamed that I am surrounded by "unknown" and there's this voice saying "It is not time to go in yet .."
Sigh ... Am I going nuts?

And, I just realised some light spotting.

Plus ... my stomach feels funny too.

Mission Pee Test

The plan was to wait till Sunday but I did my Pee Test today!!

#$!#%^%$&&&&$

Guardian Pregnancy Test ... 

Faint Line appears after the 10 minutes mark.

First, it appears shadowy near 10 minutes, then it gets more visible.

What the heck????

Three separate tests, two days apart!!!

I haven't used the Clearblue Digital yet ...

I will, I will restrain myself till Sunday!!!!

Clearblue Digital (Blue Cap) with Conception Indicator

Talah .... another HPT - RM 29.90.

Nope, I've not used it yet.

Will wait till Sunday.

Waiting ... and Wanting to Know is torturous.

I tested again!!!

I know I shouldn't but I well, itching to know, tried another Guardian Pregnancy Test.
Same thing occurs.
A little shadowy within the 5-10 minutes frame and it then gets darker after 10.

Possibly manufacturing defect?

Sigh... like they say, waiting and wanting to know is a torture!
(Plus, it cost me another RM 9.90!)

I feel nauseous but didn't mention it to His Royal Highness, I'm sure he'll say it is all in my "mighty mind".
Maybe it is?
Breast still feels the same ...

Is this all in my mind????

Cellcept and pregnancy is a big NO-NO.
We have always been cautious, still, one 'hot' night, it just happened.
I totally OFF my Cellcept the next dose. Worried I am, it felt like, "This is IT".

Yesterday is Day 1 after my missed period. Being anxious, I bought a local-pharmacy-store, Guardian pregnancy tester - RM 9.90 - I peed on it in the afternoon, nothing show at first but as I was about to dump it, I saw like a faint line, I thought my eyes were playing trick on ME! True enough 5-10 minutes later, a very faint thin line appeared!

Positive for Preggy?
or
Positive for Evaporation Line?

Tried another two testers, different brands, one 'Dip N Tell' and 'Clearblue Compact' - both negatives, or like they in the TTC (Trying to Conceive) group label as BFN (Big Fat Negative!) ..

AF (Aunt Flow, i.e. period) is not here as of today.

Probably it is all "in-mind" but I do feel nauseous, gassy and my face, scalp is so oily!
Breasts are okay though! Hehehehe!

P:S: Just for info, I've taken MSM for almost 3 months and my nails, hair (on my head!) continues to grow! :) Knees are okay to move up the stairs but not run!!

MSM & My Nails

My nails are normally quite brittle but today, I realised that it has grown much longer than before.

Plus, stronger too!!

I really think that MSM is at work!

It seems to have strengthen my weak / soft nails.

Yay!
Still, I'm going to cut it off a little shorter, not used to having them so long, and strong - can't bend them like before. Hehehe.

MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) & Lupus Take # 4

On average I am taking 2000mg MSM daily.

Sometimes in powder form (when I have orange juice around, as, MSM powder can be bitter) or tablets.

A couple of days ago, I experienced pain on both my knees and I thought MSM has stopped working?
Or, probably I may have over-exerted them when there were no pain?
Maybe I did.

Anyway, my knees are okay now. Not super great to run up and down the stairs but okay to move around.
My nose congestion problem is also much more manageable now.
Even if my nose does get congested, VICKS inhaler now works, no need for nasal spray.
Surprisingly the usual PMS seem to be milder this time around.

My husband is taking a much higher dose and MSM is helping with his constant fatigue and muscle / joint pain. He is complaining much lesser now. Therefore, I am pleased.

Those interested in MSM can browse the following website for more resources :-
MSM Guide

Benlysta (Belimumab) : To Treat Lupus

Yay!
Benlysta (Human Genome Sciences / GlaxoSmithKline), the new breakthrough drug for lupus.
Especially for Lupus. 
Approved by FDA to treat lupus!

So, why are all Lupie's' so excited?
Well, this may come shocking, but there are only 3 drugs approved to treat lupus by FDA, namely Asprin (1948), Corticosteriod & Plaquenil (1955) up until now, Benlysta (2011)

Hold your horses though (cats for some of us ...)

Here are two interesting facts on Benlysta :-

Although African American are known to be more predisposed with Lupus, yet, in clinical studies, they have shown not to respond to Benlysta. (How about Asians?). 

And, cost of Benlysta ...... drum roll pls .......
Estimated at USD 35,000 per annum , translated into RM 100,000 (a year!!!!!)
Cellcept that I'm taking, costs about RM 15K - 20K a year and I had to step on "many" feet to get it.
Imagine Benlysta, I need to take someone 'hostage'?

How does it work? 
Will it cure, induce remission or ... just control (like all the other drugs?). 
I don't know.

The price tag is beyond rich  reach to me at the moment, but, well, who knows? I might strike a lottery one of these days.

Benlysta will probably take another 5 years before it reaches our, ahem, mighty nation. (Hopefully, no drug recall by then)
Another 10 years for generic?

Sigh ... 

Oh well, at least, it is a start ...

MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) & Lupus Take # 3

I increased my MSM to 1000 mg, twice a day.

Not sure it it was indeed "MSM" but, my congested nose is very much relieved!!

I didn't use any of the nasal spray yesterday, and today my 'nose' still feels good!

I am happy!

MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) is relatively new in Malaysia.

As I've mentioned before, I posted it on the local SLE society and the doc point me to QUACKWATCH, FYI, QUACKWATCH itself is outdated.

Providing outdated information can be very misleading.

Where do I get my MSM?

In tablet form 500mg MSM Live-Well from a local pharmacy. 

I don't see them selling it singly but it comes with a promotion pack of Buy 2 free 2.

Buy 2 of their Glucosamine & Chondroitin and get 1 Glucosamine & Chondroitin and 1 MSM (above) FREE.

Can't find any powder form MSM in Malaysia.

But, I did manage to get a kilo from US.

Hehehehe ...

You see, MSM is not only for human.

Pets too! :)

MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) & Lupus Take # 2

It has been over one week with me taking 500mg MSM, twice a day - AM and PM.
I've added 500mg of time-released Vitamin C once a day, AM.

Why MSM & Vitamin C?
Well, "Vitamin C helps our body assimilate MSM".

Overall, I feel there are some positive changes.
My left knee doesn't feel 'that uncomfortable' going up and down the stairs. I don't need to slow down and pressurized my right knee, like before. It is good.
Also, so far, no headache (TOUCH WOOD!)

However, two things bothers me now.

First, very sleepy. This is sleepy, pure sleepiness. Not tired sleepy - if you get what I mean.
Secondly, my nose feels more congested than before, need two times a day, nasal puff. Lots of phlegm.

MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) & Lupus Take # 1

First of all, let me get this straight - I'm not endorsing MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane).
So, whatever my opinion on this blog is solely mine.
It may sux, it may work - I don't know.


I've done sufficient research to give it a try, plus, I've seen it working for my hubby (hopefully it will continue to work for him).

I tried my first 500mg of MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) on Thursday 24/2/11 as I've been having this nagging on and off headache for a couple of days. Did not want to dose myself with more paracetamol as my last ALT test was slightly elevated.


Woke up on Friday morning and headache was gone. Too early to say anything really. It could all be in "my weirdo mind" ... like they say "mind over matter" (with lupus, it never worked, the "mine over matter" thingy). I plan to start slow, 500mg, twice a day, morning and evening.


It is now Saturday evening, so far, I've seen improvement in headache and surprise, surprise, my left knee feels better, I went up the stairs without slowing down! :) Still, too early to say if these positive effects will be lasting.


One very weird thing though. I'm feeling very sleepy!!! It is like my body is forcing me to sleep!! Not sure if it is normal with MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) though.

Yay or Nay : MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) & Lupus

I am so freaking frustrated.

I'm a very skeptical person when it comes to complementary medicines.
I've heard horror stories of lupus patient with herbal remedies.
I've avoided them most of the time.

Heck, I even suspected Herbalife as partly responsible for my flare in 2006.
Again, I have to consider the fact that I was under a lot of work stress in 2006.
Over-worked in an incompetent environment!

Anyway, back to my title :- MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) & Lupus.
Why is this unemployed Alice frustrated?

Well, a couple of days ago - I nicely posted on the local chapter of SLE Malaysia FB page wall regarding MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane).

It goes like this :-

*****

Anyone heard or used of MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane) ?
I am not a person into supplements but have read some convincing reviews about it. Also, it is listed under "supplements may also help" for SLE in University of Maryland Medical Center.
http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/systemic-lupus-000161.htm

(At this point of posting, I've done many internet searches relating to MSM)

*****

They then responded :-

Our doctor says that there is little study on humans to prove or disprove this. He has referred us to the info given at:
http://www.quackwatch.com/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/DSH/msm.html
The bottom line states that no published research studies link MSM to any of the health claims made by its marketers. Sulfur needed in human metabolism comes from dietary protein. MSM supplements probably make little or no contribution to the body's sulfur requirements. Thus there is no good reason to use MSM supplements.

(I did read about it in QUACKWATCH, but it was in 2001.)

*****

I then replied.

The quack watch was in 2001 (done by a Clinical Dietitian), before this study
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16309928 ?

*****

The doctor then replied :-

Yes I did read about this study with regards to osteoarthritis. There has been no study with regards to SLE patients. It is a very small study and even the study suggested that more needs to be explored. The effects need to be replicated and consistent in larger trials to prove its effectiveness.

Although the trial shows promise it was done by individuals in the herbal world and the patients were obviously exploring the herbal practitioners making the study population biased. Having said this, if there is someone with the full paper, please send it to us for scrutiny.

The other thing is, since 2004 there were no more studies published in medical journals. Why? If it was so promising, then one would expect more papers looking into this.

(DUH? Then why quote the QUACKWATCH in the first place! And quoted "Individuals in the herbal world???" And study 'biased'? Why on earth would any lupus patient has full paper of the studies?? How would we know why there are no further papers / research)

*****

I, still trying to discuss further then posted that MSM was mentioned in the local newspaper : http://thestar.com.my/health/story.asp?file=%2F2010%2F10%2F10%2Fhealth%2F7174109&sec=health where it was mentioned that Arthritis Foundation of America recommends using MSM, (I can't find the link though..)

I then posted :-

Thanks - I appreciate the feedback.
I am careful with what I take, even supplement.

I do not defend MSM as I'm not even taking it. Just an open discussion to see if there's anyone with experience

I know MSM is largely marketed overseas for joints issue, and I am looking at it as a supplement for my joint, not SLE.
My knees hurt when going up and down the stairs but x-ray shows nothing, thus no drug prescription.
And, also for my hair. :)

Operative word "supplement".

As mentioned above, I am equally surprised when I found MSM listed in the above website of University of Maryland Medical Center as "supplements may also help" for SLE.

I do not know why there were no human studies after 2004, but there are animal studies for osteo and liver sometime in 2008(?)

http://www.fasebj.org/cgi/content/meeting_abstract/22/1_MeetingAbstracts/1094.3?maxtoshow&HITS=10&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT&author1=Amiel&andorexactfulltext=and&searchid=1&FIRSTINDEX=0&sortspec=relevance&resourcetype=HWCIT

http://www.fasebj.org/cgi/content/meeting_abstract/22/1_MeetingAbstracts/445.8?sid=bcb1464c-dcc7-4676-9cb0-ced345ac44e8

Don't think these are "herbal people" doing research on mice (or rabbits).

*****

Then silence ...

*****

I then submitted a link of MSM - FDA GRAS ..

Also, in 2008 - FDA GRAS (Generally Recognised As Safe) - http://www.fda.gov/Food/FoodIngredientsPackaging/GenerallyRecognizedasSafeGRAS/GRASListings/ucm153891.htm

Submission for GRAS - http://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/fcn/gras_notices/grn000229.pdf

*****

1/2 hour later they replied :-

If it is classified GRAS by FDA for mice & humans, hope it also means that SLE patients can tolerate it. Anyone wants to test it out? : )

(DUH! Mice and Human? I can sense their sarcasm at this point of time! Probably hoping I try it and drop dead!)

*****

Nevermind, End of Discussion, I said

*****

Wouldn't it be more professional not to quote the QUACKWATCH (which was last updated in 2001) and say something like :-

"MSM benefits has not been tested in context of SLE (Lupus), although there are limited studies to show that it may be beneficial towards joints / connective tissues. It will be good to discuss with your doctors and keep your blood works in check should you decide to take this supplement" - Dr. Alice-Wannabe!

To me, MSM is like Vitamin C.
To some, it makes a huge difference, to the other some, probably nothing.

However, to link it to "QUACKWATCH" is simply inappropriate, especially if it is outdated. Having not even considered that it was submitted for GRAS (2008) and listed in University of Maryland Medical Center as "supplement may help" for SLE. (You don't see many supplements being listed!!!).

From QUACKWATCH in 2001, to GRAS 2008, listed in UMMC, it must mean something?

I really need to get hold of Dr. Stanley Jacob's book "The Miracle of MSM".
Not now though - I'm unemployed!

P:S: To all lupus friends who have tried MSM, whether working, worked or not, pls do feel free to leave comments!