Stone Cold

A horrible day.

Today confirms my greatest fear, I miscarried again.

Both abdominal and internal scan finds no sac.

Doctor said I must have passed it out without knowing.

I stoned as I absorbed the news.

I couldn't speak for I'll burst in river of tears.

Hopes dashed.

Now, I am only waiting for the 'full blow' of bleeding, which is starting like now...

Abdomen cramps on and off.

Bye bye 'Blob'

Pregnant or Not? Not Conclusive.

Although I've been confirmed 'pregnant' by a private Women's Health Clinic.
I've yet to hear a 'Yes, you are pregnant' from any of my main doctors in the hospital.

Today, my second UPT test came back weakly positive after TWO WEEKS!!
First one was faint positive.
So kidney doc said "Not Conclusive"

I am bleeding / spotting still since last Monday.
I hate to admit it but overall, it doesn't look good.
To add to it, my beta HCG taken on 3/8/11 was only 182.7.
Considered low as I (think), I was about 4w + 2 or 3 day.

I keep reminding myself, worry won't do any good.
But, how can I not worry?

Passing of 2 Kim ....

My 2 Kim passed away on Friday. She was 66.

Definition of 2 Kim, Wife to my Mom's younger brother, 'second' son of the family - thus the '2' Kim, in short, an 'Aunt'. I remember learning to memorise title of each and every aunties / uncles, now that I've grown-up I realise all these numerical + titles make so much sense! We, Chinese, very clever one, indeed!

Imagine instead of Auntie Julie, we say 2 Kim, immediately the whole 'family tree' comes into the picture. No need to explain how A and B are related. In short, keeps nosy strangers very happy .. :)

Anyway, back to my 2 Kim.
Am I close to her?
I don't know. I feel close to her with her SMS'es'.
(She was very good at texting and her use of SMS abbreviation puts mine to shame! Honestly!)
When I was having my chicken pox, she sent me text message on 'what to do or not to do'. I like her SMS'es', they were lovely and sweet.
However when in person, I do not even know how to start a conversation. I tried then I gave up. I just let it be, thinking that there will be 'one day' .  My only regret, I should have tried harder.

Again, Am I close to her?
Considering that I imagined in my mind SMS'ing' her when my pregnancy pass its first trimester ..
I guess, we are 'sort-of-close' .. through data frequency ...

Rest well 2 Kim.

Bleeding, Abdominal Cramp ...

Yesterday was a crappy day.

I woke up with light bleeding accompanied by abdominal cramps, ON and OFF. I felt like peeing all the time.

I threw a big tantrum at my hubby when he got home from work. I wanted KFC on the instant and started hitting him with a pillow, several times. My bad.

At 1.10 am the cramps continued and has gotten worse. My hubby took me to the A&E. Fortunately it wasn't a long wait this time. The nice doctor did a scan and we saw our little 'bean' on the screen. Not very clear as 'bean' is still very small. I couldn't make anything out of it, until the doctor pointed out 'bean's head and body.

I've been given Tramadol to help with the pain and Potassium Citrate (to clear my urine?).

I've also be referred to the O&G for assessment next Tuesday. I am scared.

At the moment, not so much bleeding, abdomen feels sore from yesterday's cramping.

I need to pray.

Hello "Blob"

Hello "Lovely Blob"!!
I saw my "Lovely Blob" on the monitor!!!
According to its size I should be 4W+5d ..
(exactly what I expected!)

But, hey ...  LMP is 18/6!!
"Lovely Blob" should be be measuring nearly 7W!
Well, I think I ovulated 2 weeks later.

There was another "Bad Blob" on my lining that could be the cause of my spotting problem.
I've been prescribed 'Duphaston' and additional folic acid.
So that "Bad Blob" will behave and let my "Lovely Blob" grow and protect my "bean".,..

Did a UPT test and I just love those lines!!!
Although line is fainter than the "Control Line", Doc said this is "expected" kind of line for 4W+5d!!!

I am happy even though my pocket is lighter by RM180.00.

Dreams ... Spotting ...

I had a dream this morning or was it last night?
Anyway, I dream that I was looking into the mirror and some of my lower tooth are missing.
I hate any teeth/tooth dreams.

Just now, I realised I started spotting again.
I am so worried.

I guess I can only pray.

Sigh ...

Please stick 'lil bean ...

I went to the hospital yesterday to have my pregnancy confirmed by the Rheumy Doc.
I did a UPT (Urine Pregnancy Test) and after about 2 hrs, the lab reported it as "NEGATIVE"!!!

An hour later, I went to see the Nephro Doc and guess what, the same lab now reports as "faintly (+) positive".

Please stick little seed!

My HPT lines are getting darker in colour, so I really hope that my hCg is indeed rising... (see attached photo).

Also, I am feeling feverish lately and it is adding to my worry! I hope it is just a pregnancy symptom and not signs of my lupus flaring up!!!!

Cheapie UPT strips - RM 1 / each!!!

Yeah, there is a definitely cheaper way to POAS!

"Faint" Line

Sigh ...
It worries me every time I get a 'fainter' faint line.
I got one this morning. I tested with a 'cassette' type and it came out very slowly and 'faint'.
(Fainter than yesterday's PM urine).

Am I not producing enough hCg?
Should I go and see a doctor now or wait?

Above photo is yesterday's result - visible (dry).

And, the photo below is today's result - there's a line, just not so visible in photo.

This is a "no brand test", cost me RM 4.90, got it from the nearest neighbourhood pharmacy.
Most of the pregnancy tester here are of 'questionable' quality - no 'manufacturing' details, some doesn't even tell you exactly how long to wait - it just say, 'wait for a few minutes', no indication of sensitivity level - in four letter word 'C.R.A.P' - not cheap too, for 'C.R.A.P'.

Best to go for Wondfo OR Clearblue digital (with conception indicator).

I remember testing with Wondfo and the line came out in less than 1 minute and was so much darker than the rest of the 'stupid' tests I've taken, namely "Guardian Pregnancy Test".
The only place that I know sells Wondfo brand is Jusco Wellness Pharmacy in Sunway Pyramid and it cost RM 6.00.

So, as you can see, this is not a "CHEAP" hobby ... peeing on a stick or better known as POAS.

Feeling WARM

Lately, I've been waking up feeling warm and a little feverish.
However, when tested temperature is within the normal range.

This, according to another forum friend is 'normal' during the early stage of pregnancy.
It is the build-up of progesterone in the system.
I didn't know, so I swallowed a few paracetamol along the way...

As you can see my 'ticker' is up again! Yay!
My period was a little hay-wired last month due to the 'incident', so, I've adjusted the ticker to my estimated 'actual conception date' instead of the usual LMP or the first day of Last Menstruation Period. (If according to LMP, I should be 6 weeks now!!!)